This semester is an exciting and nerve-wracking endeavor. I am (as usual) my own worst enemy. I am teaching 2 classes that I taught last semseter (can you say CAKE WALK?) which, I have to be honest, I am doing little with. channeling Jack: push lever, get food pellet. I worked out the basics for those courses last semester, so this semester I am changing the things that didn’t work last time, but not stressing too hard about what DID work.
THEN there is my third course – or shall I say my ONLY course, as it takes about 99% of my time, energy and brain power. In this course, I am reading two texts (one of which I like and the other is the “traditional” text for the course), writing lectures and generating PowerPoints from (practically) scratch, writing lab handouts completely from scratch, trying to figure out what we HAVE that I can use and what I’m S.O.L. on (and frequently I find out that we really DID have some of this stuff, but…well…we don’t let the students USE it!! Sheesh! [insert eye-rolling emoticon here]).
Now, let’s be rational – I am putting the majority of the pressure on myself. Probably no suprise to anyone who is reading this. The previous instructor left/sent a BUNCH of information. I am using some of his images, some of his summaries, and a lot of his material for reference (for myself). The problem is, I am not him. His background, style and interests are VASTLY different from mine. So…I have to make this information, and this course, my own.
Apparently (from third-party information) the students think I’m doing a great job. My TA’s (I am assuming this based on NO data) think I’m a flake, since I don’t have my labs ready for meetings a week in advance, and I’m usually adding to them right up to the time that lab begins. The lab tech (again an assumption) thinks I’m totally NUTZ because I ask for EVERYTHING, and I let the students use it! I think I’m losing my mind because, after 10 years of teaching Human A&P I had it down to a routine , I knew what I needed, what we had, how to improvise and who to get stuff from. Now I’m running around like the proverbial chick sans head and LITERALLY learning as I go.
I am actually (if I take a slightly objective perspective) getting an incredible amount done in the first semester of teaching a course like this. I will have a MASSIVE foundation on which to build/refine the course next time. Right now, I’m just barely keeping my head above water. “Look to the future” I keep telling myself “It will get easier” Then I worry that the light is the oncoming train, and I won’t get to enjoy all the hard work I put in laying this foundation.
The nice thing about an academic job, however, is that EVERY semester MUST come to an end. It is the twice a year reset button that makes all the insanity go away so as to be forgotten before the next semester begins. I am an optomist, so I always believe that it will be new and different. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is Deja vu all over again. And still I keep on believing.
Glad to hear you’re still challenging yourself with your classes. I was worried you’d just sit back and take the easy road over there in Cairo (sarcasm implied). What is this other course that has you so bent out of shape? I’m teaching 203 for the fist time and I’m going through some of the same anxieties.
Kd – Good luck with 203 – it is a challenging class, but I think you’ll do an excellent job. My personal albatross right now is Comparative Anatomy of the Vertebrates. It has been a LOOONNNNG time since I’ve really worked on this material. I’ll think successful 203 thoughts for you – and remember, you will be much more critical of yourself than the students will be of you.
ahhhhh the looming headlight…you are in the middle of the tunnel…. the train approaches…….. I CAN relate (to me it appears to be the end of the PHUD). Just remember to sidestep the train as it gets close enough to pass. Swish! and it is all over! Except for the emotional scars and we know how to remove those….WHINE and WINE (will bring wine to you).
You are entirely correct – in academia, there is a ‘reset’ button and it all starts over. And YOU have more experience the next time around. Old age and treachery will win over youth every time. Trust me on that one (I have an 11 yo son…treachery is my friend!).
Of course you are your own worst critic….duh! (insert the usual reference to cooking implements…and their exposure to heat – grin!). You are doing a fantastic job. We ALL know that. Your students are lucky to have you, your TA’s are lucky to have you and you are making a difference.
Keep up the good work. Comparative Verts rule!
much love
wendy (aka evil twin)