I chide myself frequently for the things I fear. They are not the “normal” things like death (mine or loved ones), political instability around me, or even aging. My fears all center around not being able to do things properly (which for me means perfectly). It sounds really egotistical and trite when I write it out, but there you go.
One of the things that I’ve had chronic fear about since moving to Cairo is speaking Arabic. It is a difficult language phonetically. It has a totally new alphabet from the one I’ve known all my life. It is written from right to left. Words are as nuanced as English, but I haven’t grown up with the language, so I know only the dictionary definitions, not the “meanings” of the words.
I have been taking Arabic lessons since I arrived. I have had private tutoring, class lessons, intensives, courses on basic conversation and on grammar. Still I am afraid to speak.
“My vocabulary is limited.”
“What if I mispronounce something and OFFEND someone?”
“What if what I say MEANS something else?”
I’ve started my tutoring AGAIN with a new tutor, whom I really like. We “chat” half-English/half-Arabic. I learn new words and phrases that are relevant to things I am doing in my daily life (BEGED!!!)
In the taxi this morning, I was mistaken by the driver as being able to speak Arabic. I took the leap, and used VERBS and PHRASES that I’ve learned but never said. The driver kept up the chatter, asking me questions – which I actually answered! By the time I got to the university, I had managed to explain PRECISELY (bezopt) where I wanted to be dropped off AND he was offering me one of his tama’ya sandwiches for breakfast!! LOL – what a great start to the day.
Jeez….and I thought you were speaking very fluent Arabic all the time I was there! And it seemed like many of the Egyptians that we dealt with thought the same. How come you didn’t know you were doing fabulously?
Yup – I guess “fabulous” is ascertained differently by the two of us. My Arabic needs work, but I’m just diving in head first and “damn the (grammar) torpedos”
Hey, Kaddee,
I’m an American college professor who has just been offered a two-year position at AUC for next year. I am seriously considering accepting, but it would be very helpful to hear from someone who has been living and working there. I have been looking in on and enjoying your blog off and on since I applied for the position, and I was wondering if i could send you an email on the back channel to ask you a few questions. Let me know if this is possible and, if so, how I could contact you.
Thanks.
And here i thought you were fearless!! 🙂 Good Job!!